Whitehouse, Texas
On Friday, November 16 of 2012,
Cole Kellis and Joseph Rose stepped out onto their front yard to see something that is usually pretty cool: A deer was standing just a
few feet away from them.
Unfortunately, Joseph decided to utilize his non-existent power of animal whispering and determined that the
deer was friendly. As he stepped forward, however, the deer completely proved him wrong by
charging at the two men, which sent them both fleeing towards Joseph's truck.
The majestic woodland creature, however, was not finish establishing its dominance over the recently encountered humans. As Joseph tried to close his door, the angry buck began
poking him in the ribs with its horns. Joseph bravely fought the animal off, jumped out of the car, and dove into the truck bed...
...which gave Mr. Angry Antlers the opportunity to get what he really came for: Joseph's cigarettes.
"That's right! You're in Flavor Country now, Nancy Boy!"
The buck lifted himself up through the (still open) driver's side door (totally ignoring Cole, by the way), reached up, and
grabbed Joseph's cigarettes off the truck's center console.
Joseph then made yet another mistake in animal mind reading when he attempted to
get the cigarettes back from the deer...which made the animal even more angry.
Joseph and Cole called animal control, who then called the police. It ended up taking 5 officers to restrain the nicotine addicted buck. The poor creature even
had to eventually be Tasered, but not before causing minor injuries to all of his attackers, including one officer who
suffered a broken wrist
Linked here (because deer stories are too scary to be embedded, apparently) is a local news story on the incident, complete with the two victims telling their story on camera despite the loss of guy-cred a deer stealing your smokes may entail.
And if you see a deer out in the woods, please remember that just like a humans, they can get a bit violent if they haven't had a smoke break in a while....and attempts at an intervention can and probably will turn ugly.
"You jackbooted thugs aren't making me go back on the patch!"
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